Tell me baby.

I weigh 277.4 now. 
I have an amazing urge to binge so I am writing this. I've had 430 calories so far today,
but my Mom is making pasta for dinner, I think I can get out of it if I say I feel sick.
I already told her I did earlier.
So I have until this thursday, not tomorrow but the one afterward
to lose a bit of weight,
enough to make my friends go wow.
That's when I am going to the beach.
I thought it was tomorrow but luckily it wasn't. 
I am watching South Park again
and My uncle should be putting cable back in my room soon,
my Grandmom should give me some money soon,
and I would be able to get a laptop. 
I would have to wait to get internet though. 
I could just write a diary until then....
My hunger is going away. 
I like it, but
I don't want to give into it. 
I am wondering why some people can be so thin, but eat so much. It really pisses me off.
I was also in the pool for 40 min, burned..... around 700 calories.
I hope to lose something,
to make up for my binging these past few days. 

<3 

Height: 5' 3"
Hw: 330
Cw: 278.6
Gw1: 230
FGw: 110

I feel so sick. I binged big time last night. I have a headache and I am going to the boardfwalkw ith friends on Thursday. I wanna lose weight fast! At least 5 lbs. I am starting 2468 today. I hope to have great results. School kicked me out again, for ebeing behind on work. I hope they take me back or I can start another home school program. I don't want to go back to school a freshman. I want to go back a sophmore, I am pissed. They should really be a little more understanding. 

I feel empty and I like it.

I couldn't weight myself today, 
so I am parinoid. 
I am at my friend's house and last night my crush slept over. 
I told her I liked him and at 3 in the morning she asked him if he liked me back, 
he never answered.  
He's home now and I haven't talked to him since he was asked. 
I am really nervous, 
because I don't know why anyone would want a fat fuck like me. 
He's so thin too! 
He just eats anything. 
I controlled myself enough last night not to eat a dognut in front of him so I am cool. 
What worried me was the smount of popcorn I ate last night.
We went and saw Hell Boy 2,
I was disgusted with myself,
I felt so fat sitting in those seats,
they felt so small to me.
Just thinking about it makes me wanna cry.
I don't know if I should message my crush about the question or not.
I've never had any type of relationship, 
expecially a boyfriend.
I dunno, 
I just feel nasty.

- xoxo Ashley